I think I’ve spoken about Invalidation before on this blog. It works like this…
As an experiment, ask someone you know to pinch your arm. Instruct this person that no matter what you do the only response they should give you is: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Have them pinch you until it starts to hurt. Once the pain has irritated you enough to tell the person how much it hurts and you want them to stop, all you will hear is:
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
How many times in your life have you heard someone say this phrase to you? If you have ever had a bonafide reason to phone a business to complain about something, it’s likely you will have been on the receiving end of something like this:
‘I’m sorry you feel that way, at Sainsbury’s we want to ensure that all our shoppers have a pleasant experience and everyone is treated equally.’ What they won’t do is apologise. If they do make an effort to sound like they are making an apology, they will inevitably apologise for the way YOU are feeling rather than what THEY have done. Then they offer you a £10 voucher which you can only spend in their shop. It’s good innit?
Is any of this familiar?
- I don’t always do that.
- It’s not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)
Judging & Labeling You
- You are a cry baby.
- You have a problem.
- You are too sensitive.
- You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
- You are way too emotional.
- You are an insensitive jerk. .
- You need to get your head examined!
- You are impossible to talk to.
- You are impossible.
- You are hopeless.
Turning Things Around
- You are making a big deal out of nothing.
- You are blowing this way out of proportion.
- You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Trying to get you to question yourself
- What is your problem?
- What’s wrong with you?
- What’s the matter with you?
- Why can’t you just get over it?
- Why do you always have to ….?
- Is that all you can do, complain?
- Why are you making such a big deal over it?
- What’s wrong with you, can’t you take a joke?
- How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
- Don’t you think you are being a little dramatic?
- Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?
Telling You How You “Should” Feel or Act
- You should be excited.
- You should be thrilled.
- You should feel guilty.
- You should feel thankful that…
- You should be happy that ….
- You should be glad that …
- You should just drop it.
- You shouldn’t worry so much.
- You shouldn’t let it bother you.
- You should just forget about it.
- You should feel ashamed of yourself.
- You shouldn’t wear your heart out on your sleeve.
- You shouldn’t say that about your father/mother.
Defending The Other Person
- Maybe they were just having a bad day.
- I am sure she didn’t mean it like that.
- You just took it wrong.
- I am sure she means well.
Negating, Denial & Confusion
- Now you know that isn’t true.
- You don’t mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
- You don’t really mean that. You are just … (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)
Sarcasm and Mocking
- Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
- What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
- What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?
Laying Guilt Trips
- Don’t you ever think of anyone but yourself?
- What about my feelings?!
- Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?
Philosophizing Or Clichés
- Time heals all wounds.
- Every cloud has a silver lining.
- Life is full of pain and pleasure.
- In time you will understand this.
- When you are older you will understand
- You are just going through a phase.
- Everything has its reasons.
- Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.
Talking about you when you can hear it
- She is impossible to talk to.
- You can’t say anything to her.
- This is getting really old.
- This is getting really pathetic.
- I am sick of hearing about it.
We’ve all said some of these things to friends and family and others in our lives and we’ve all been on the receiving end too. Try and catch yourself doing it and then offer an alternative. Say something like this if you messed up and left someone waiting: “I totally understand that you’re upset because I wasn’t on time which was rude and irresponsible of me.”
Politicians are the greatest invalidators of them all. They wrote the fucking lexicon on it.
“Let me be clear” – followed by something completely off-topic or unclear.
“We never said that.” – Yes, you did, otherwise, I wouldn’t be quoting it!
“No, you are misquoting me.” – I’m showing you the actual film footage of you saying it?
It’s omnipresent in the language they use and accompanied by blatant lying, Ad Hominem attacks, and bullying tactics. The biggest stage for their abusive behaviour is The House Of Commons, which is perfectly set-up for constant invalidating to bounce around the chamber like a huge political shit slinging match which never seems to resolve the argument or make it feel like anything is actually getting done. PMQ’s should be called Prime Ministers Fuck You time.
Invalidation is considered by the psychiatric profession to be at number two in the Shrinkers Billboard Chart Of Abuse. They say it’s one of the worst things you can do to a fellow human. Apparently, it doesn’t agree with us to be told the way we are feeling is fucking wrong.
So with all the invalidation that goes on at home, in the workplace, in the media, in the myriad call centre’s of companies like eBay and Amazon and the very people we supposedly elect to run the country, it stands to reason therefore that we are all either abusing each other or being systematically abused by the system.
So what could be the result of this, how do people respond when you constantly deny them their feelings? The simple answer is they get depressed. To paraphrase Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan: “When was the last time you felt good about anything?”
Try getting through an episode of Newsnight, A Daily Briefing or Sky News, or the shit-show that is Question Time, without feeling some kind of anger or beside yourself disbelief. It’s that moment when you shake your head and say and tweet: ‘FFS…you can’t make this shit up.’
Try to think in terms of the fact that everything you see, is given to you to see, and everything you don’t see, it’s still there, but you just aren’t being shown it.
Take for example the famous Intelligence and Security Committee Report into outside interference of the Brexit referendum and 2017 election, now commonly referred to as ‘The Russia Report.’
Is it too conspiratorial to hazard a guess about the handling of this report and throw this one at ya… howz about… if they didn’t want you to know about it, you probably wouldn’t even know it existed. The fact you know it is there but you can’t see it, could be deliberate, to heap on even more confusion, hatred, and anxiety? Dangle a carrot, then pull it away, and off you go Tweeting your outrage with hash-fucking-tag-Russia-report. Tweet till yer heart’s content, which, by the way, it never will be, because all it does is achieve a morbid perpetuation of anxiety which you spread to inadvertently increase the shit feelings you and everyone else have about fucking everything. It might be better to just move on and accept you are dead anyway, it may help you to live longer.
You get a nice slab of division by making a section of people rant against another section of people for ranting about something they don’t want others to rant about.
It doesn’t have to be like this at all because leaders can easily bring people together if they need it. When the State wants you to pick up a rifle and go and kill someone for them, it seems so easy to bring the nation together. We want YOU! We need Spitfires. Everybody needs to do their part.
Together we can beat this virus.
There has been a lot of this going on. But there has also been a feeling of one rule for them and one rule for us. The Cummings Trip was not so much a scandal because of what he had done, it was that he had shown us all there was no spirit of being ‘in this together’. How many contradictions have you heard coming out of the mouths of politicians lately? Go out, but don’t go out, go to school but don’t go to a house, go to the beach but don’t all go to the beach at the same time. These are the rules but we are not going to make the rules.
Sometimes these contradictions are delivered in the same sentence. It rose to farcical proportions with the Cummings eye test story. It was insulting bullshit of biblical proportions. Gove, haplessly trying to defend Cummings, said he had driven a car on several occasions to test an incapacity he may have had. Becoming aware of the ridiculousness of what he was saying, he then folded on camera looking up to his left muttering ‘how can I put this’ before laughing at himself.
But he wasn’t laughing at himself, he was laughing at you. He’s laughing at us, with such brazen assuredness only a completely corrupt system can allow.
In protecting us from the virus, you must ask yourself, if it really is that possible to get things as shambolically wrong as this current Government so obviously has. There’s been a steady stream of contradictions, false promises, mixed messages, denials, and massaging of the figures. If you watch the Daily Briefing, you will only ever see a slide of a graph that goes downwards. I have a strong suspicion that right now, the graph is hastily trending upwards and they took the scientists out of the briefings and then cancelled the briefing itself to hide us from this uncomfortable truth. This gives them time to deny an upturn in the R-rate and therefore not be forced into the obvious shame of re-imposing a lockdown which will prompt questions about how things seem to be not going very well at all. These current politicians are so cuntish, they will let people die rather than being made to look squeamish for mistakes they’ve made.
They are not accountable, they really just don’t want to show you the reality, it’s just not convenient at the moment you scumbags. Anywayz, all you can do is write to your local MP and take the pills your doctor gives you and drink booze to keep your anxiety and frustration levels in check. Go Tweet your rage across the internet.
The Big Lie
The Big Lie is a propaganda technique and logical fallacy about the use of a lie which is so colossal that no one would ever believe someone could have the outright balls to distort the truth to such an extent.
You can get away with it if you follow the rules.
The primary rules are: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your opposition; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it.
The above should sound or look familiar because, right now, this government is being marched onwards by a bunch of elitist Anarchists who will take advantage of every opportunity to create a political storm.
If I had several weeks to devote to this, it would not be possible to provide you with all the examples of how propaganda pervades every aspect of our society. Propaganda is not a separate stream of information; it is embedded, so much so, that you can’t see it, but you can certainly feel it.
It might surprise you to know the idea of the Big Lie explained above, came from Hitler, and the rules to make it work came from Goebbels. Hitler and Goebbels did not invent propaganda though. The word was actually coined by the Catholic Church to describe its efforts to discredit Protestant teachings in the 1600s.
Nietsche loved chaos and Hitler and Goebbels loved Nietsche. Dominic Cumming loves chaos too, he even sniggers as he is creating it in front of your eyes.
Out of chaos comes order and Dominic ‘Rasputin’ Cummings wants to destroy the old order and bring in a new one, it’s called ARPA. To do this, he needs to fuck the Civil Service and everything that goes with it, and he can’t have any rules or regulations from the EU hanging over him as he is doing it, hence Brexit.
Brexit is now unravelling. There was no such thing as Project Fear just as much as there was no such thing as giving the NHS £350 million a week. The NHS is toast. The Farmers have been thrown under the bus, non-labelled chlorinated chicken is on its way from America, and the fruit is gonna rot. Project fear warned about all of these things happening, it was all a big lie back then, yet recently even Prince Charles shot an Info-flick appealing for a land army to mobilise and go and help in the fields. You first Farage and Duncan Smith.
If Project Fear had been a real thing, and not just some made up part of the Cummings propaganda machine to maim the opposition with, they would have had one of those three-word slogans too, it may likely have been: Don’t Lose Control
You can’t blame anyone for the way they voted in the referendum, we are way past that and frankly, I don’t give a fuck. There was no proper debate, everything was shrouded in a mist created by finger-pointing rhetoric and constant misinformation. How could anybody come to an informed decision with so much bullshit flying around?
It was such an important question about the country’s future and it was taken away from us as it was turned into a media circus and a strange sort of non-electing election campaign, which saw known Remainer Boris Johnson hedging his bets on which side to take right up until the very last minute. Yes, it was that important to him. Then when he won, he walked away, knowing it would be a poisoned chalice. Life is all about timing, it’s true, but no one can foresee the future and this virus has turned out to be an even poisoned chalice of a different and unexpected kind. He may have won a slot to be next resident at number 10 but he is now out of his depth, spending too much time away, and seemingly unable to make his mind up about important decisions. Some of his decisions defy logic and rather than being helpful to his people they seem purely political and helpful to himself, his friends, and his allies. Regardless. He looks very flustered at PMQ’s as his lying is uncovered by the new leader of the opposition.
If you go into a lockdown later than all the other European Countries, you have to come out of it later, it’s logical, it’s not something you can rush because you want things to be seen as desperately different from what they are. You can’t spin a virus a lie and ease off restrictions just to take Cummings off the front pages. You can’t tell people that a world-beating track and trace system is in place when it’s just not because, this virus, it’s real and it doesn’t respond to Gaslighting.
Right now there is such division in this country that you have people screaming on Twitter about Ali G being racist. Like any sane person, I abhor racism, but when John Barnes is being called out for saying he thinks Ali G is not racist, by people who say he can’t speak for the black community, surely things have gone off the scale bonkers.
It feels like that. How many times have you said, seen, or heard, ‘you can’t make this shit up’? A famous ex-footballer tweeted this today:
“Everything is so ludicrously tribal these days. Huge crowds on a beach: one side says it’s fine. The other side says it’s bringing another COVID 19 wave. Huge crowds protesting against racism: side who says it’s fine on the beach, says it will cause 2nd wave. The other side says it’s fine.”
People are screaming on Twitter about Matt Wankcock being an out-of-his-depth-lying-fuckwit-clueless-twat every time he opens his mouth on the telly and talks like a man trapped in his own Gaslit nightmare mindlessly refuting any sane arguments to say he or his chums might have got decisions wrong. Today he even said, against all scientific reasoning, that the decision to lockdown so late was a good one. Johnson, who is apparently running a country that now officially has over 40,000 dead people due to the virus, can be heard repeatedly saying how proud he is of the job he’s done, so much so, that he has now even decided to take control of the situation himself. Wow.
It looks like a last-ditch-dead-in-a-ditch attempt to start the new campaign of let’s ‘Get COVID Done’
It’s all nonsense of course. But are these Ministers all proper stupid or is there a plan to create chaos and confusion and to divide the public and never allow them to simmer down by giving them a few words of kindness and the odd apology. Is it part of the plan to never admit to any faults or wrong-doing and never concede that there may be some good in those opposed to their ideas and policies? Is there a secret combined effort to create those political whirlwinds that leave us feeling helpless and anxious, confused, and bewildered so that we are easily malleable? Are we in the middle of the big lie?
You would have thought so with the all the horse piss and bollocks that is being trotted out right now. We are, in a world of shit, and people are either dying, are dead, or are going to die because the Government has offered no clear guidance in an emergency. Honestly…
…you can’t make this shit up.
“It is rotten and dismal that a world of so many hundred million people should be ruled by a single caste that has the power to lead millions to life or to death, indeed on a whim…This caste has spun its web over the entire earth; capitalism recognizes no national boundaries…Capitalism has learned nothing from recent events and wants to learn nothing because it places its own interests ahead of those of the other millions. Can one blame those millions for standing up for their own interests, and only for those interests? Can one blame them for striving to forge an international community whose purpose is the struggle against corrupt capitalism? Can one condemn a large segment of the educated youth for protesting against the greatest ability? Is it not an abomination that people with the most brilliant intellectual gifts should sink into poverty and disintegrate, while others dissipate, squander, and waste the money that could help them? … You say the old propertied class also worked hard for what it has. Granted, that may be true in many cases. But do you also know about the conditions under which workers were living during the period when capitalism “earned” its fortune?”
Who do you think wrote that? Joseph Goebbels wrote it. Confusing isn’t it?
I’d like to thank Charlie Coates for telling me about the images I used and I’d like to wish him a very Happy Birthday. Against the odds, he has made it to 80. I’d like to think of him as a friend, which of course he is, but he and his wife Margaret are so much more to me than that.
I can tell Charlie is teetering on the brink of becoming a Socialist now, albeit one that reads the Telegraph. (I think I may have made that bit up)
Here’s to you, Charlie, ground control to Major Coates. 🙂