Food For Thought…

keep-calm-and-eat-subway-14My son is 16 and he likes to eat at Subway, Mickey Dee’s and Kentucky Fried Rat. I’m not gonna change that am I? I was a vegetarian for 27 years and brought my children up as veggies without ever stopping them from eating meat, I tried to be a good parent but in the end I can’t beat the marketing and avertising.

We went to dine at Subway the other day, it’s ever so cheap you know! I’m on this diet at the moment, to get me down half a stone, back to my ideal body weight, all I’m doing is watching calories with a rather great App called myfitnesspal. So, I’m in Subway and I see they do these low calorie sandwiches but, trouble is, I can’t tell the difference between the Lo calorie one and the normal one so I ask the nice girl behind the counter…

Me: What’s the difference between the Low Calorie sandwich and the normal one please?

Girl: One’s low calorie and the other isn’t.

Me: Yes, I understand that but what is the actual difference between them please?

Girl: (looking slightly confused) One’s low calorie and the other isn’t?

Me: So what is the difference between the Low Calorie Meatballs sandwich and the normal Meatballs sandwich?

Girl: One is low calorie and the other isn’t? We do a low calorie Meatballs and a normal one.

Me: So is there any difference in the amount of meat or the type of meat or the way the sauce is cooked or the bread?

Girl: Yes, the low calorie one is the one from the low calorie menu.

Me: I know! I get all that but what is the actual difference in the way you cook them?!!

Girl: We don’t cook anything, everything comes pre-cooked! Look mate, the difference is one is from the low calorie menu and the other one isn’t!

Me: So the one from the low calorie menu with meatballs has been made with something different to the one from the full fat menu at the Subway factory?

Girl: No?

Me: So what’s the difference between the two?

Girl: (completely irrate) I dunno, nothing I guess?

I gave up and I ordered my low Calorie sandwich off the low calorie menu.

As usual in Subway, they give you your sandwich wrapped in a yard of paper and put it in a plastic carrier bag with enough napkins for a family of four. Between walking from the counter to your seat and finishing your meal you’ve already helped half-fill a landfill site all on your own. (I once asked for no bag, no wrapping paper or serviettes and was told it wasn’t possible as it was against company regulations and health and safety. They simply couldn’t do it,  it wouldn’t have been safe for me to walk over to my crumb filled chair without my sandwich properly wrapped in company logos in a bag full of vouchers trying to tempt me back).


I sat down and got my sendvich out and found loads of hefty-paper-voucher-fliers in my big-enough-to-put-my boots-in-plastic-bag. On one of the scraps of paper I read the small print and a ‘Low Fat’ meal is referred to as ‘sandwiches prepared according to a standard recipe with meat, cheese, red onions…’. It warns you that if you ask for more cheese on it, it won’t be Low-Fat anymore and it’s not their fault. It tells you it’s ‘The Real Deal’ because it’s cheaper and better for you but that you can only have water or tea or coffee with it. Then it says: MAKE IT A FOOTLONG FOR JUST £2 EXTRA.

When I punched both the sandwich of low fat and full fat into my app to see what the calories where I was SHOCKED that they are both the same! The girl behind the counter was right, even if she didn’t know it.

So the low Calorie subway is just a sandwich with less shit on it but with the same calorific content but it’s cheaper and healthier because you sling it down with water and not a coke!




  1. Love it. The world is certainly a confusing and contradictory place… What made you turn to the dark side and become a carnivore again out of interest?

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